I just don't know i feel like i'm just way to paranoid I want to trust but its hard been hurt way to many times. And as of lately with the passing of a dear friend i just want things to be better. I'm sad, just plain sad, i can hide it and fake it all i want to but sometimes it comes out and there is no hiding it. I want to be able to joke around and flirt with you and hold you and spend an evening together like we use to an watch a movie. I want us to lay together as i watch you fall asleep in my arms.
But i can't i just don't know anymore. I just want to be happy is all. i feel like something is going on behind my back and i am just not seeing the signs. then i think maybe its me wanting to see thing that aren't there. I just want answers to questions i don't think i ever will get. It just sucks, it feels like i'll have a nervous breakdown, or my anger will get the best of me and keeping those in check is hard. i just things upfront and honest so that i won't be paranoid